Hope is a belief that things will improve, a kind of faith in goodness and ‘alright-ness’. It is a lovely warm spark of light we might feel it in our belly warming us up when afraid, tired, alone: enveloping us when faced with the threat of drowning from the opposite of hope, which is despair. Hope is the hint of a smile on your ill child’s face; the sudden glow of sunlight beaming down from between dark stormy clouds; the dramatic beauty of a rainbow appearing after heavy rain. It’s Spring after the darkness of Winter: the buds that push out from the branches which were dormant all through the cold, dark days and are now ready to burst forth with energy and sweetness. Spring always comes: we need to wait, with patience, faith and confidence that after dormancy there is growth.
Listening to a *podcast with Jane Goodall (Scientist, Author and Activist), I was in awe, again, at how astonishing human beings can be, how much love and generousity we are capable of sharing with the world to the benefit of all. Now more than ever, we need to hold onto the hope planet-saving warriors like Jane Goodall give us through their tireless hard work and dedication. The hope they inspire is that we can save the world from the destruction of climate change; we can share our wealth with those who are in need; we can inspire others to do the same, every single day through good example and courage to show up and be heard.
(*If you have about 40 mins to spare, this podcast with Jane Goodall is well worth a listen, however, please read to the end of this newsletter before you go off to do so).
Optimism
One of the 15 dimensions of *Emotional Intelligence (EQi.20 model) is Optimism, which has at its heart, a deep-held belief in hope. Optimism often gets bad press in our cynical, casual world and as an optimist myself I should know. It habitually attracts criticism along with ‘positive thinking’ and ‘positive psychology’ and can be carelessly dismissed as a lens of ‘rose tinted glasses’ through which optimistic (for optimistic read ‘unrealistic’) people view the world. There are grounds for the criticism I have to admit: optimistic people can come across as too positive, overly confident and idealistic. This can grate on others who do not see things the same way. I believe optimism to be a huge strength when it is balanced with a number of other areas of Emotional Intelligence such as, obviously, Reality Testing: the ability to see the world as it truly is, not as we are, or as we would want it to be. As an optimist, I am in awe-inspiring company. Human Rights Activist Helen Keller, who, despite being deaf and blind, went on to write, teach and campaign for disability rights across America.
‘Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence’
Helen Keller
*you can get a validated psychometric assessment of your level of Emotional Intelligence if you wish, learn more about that if you wish.
Optimism and Stress
Optimism is one of the 3 areas of Emotional Intelligence that support us in managing stress. The other 2 dimensions in the EQi.20 model are: Stress Tolerance and Flexibility. With optimism, when it is balanced, we have the ability to bounce-back from stressful events and situations. It helps us cope with mistakes and failure, restoring our self-confidence allowing us to keep motivated. When we are hopeful about the future, when we belief it will be alright, we can overcome obstacles and meet challenges, even when highly problematic steeped in uncertainty, we are able to find a different way around them with the support of our optimism. Optimistic people have what *Carol Dweck describes as a ‘Growth-Mindset’ and this mind-set facilitates learning, growth and development.
(*learn more from Carol Dweck about Mindset here, later though, maybe after you read to the end).
3 ways to help you become more optimistic
Let’s try to up our levels of optimism and also hope. This will help with our relationships at work and in our whole lives, bolster our self-regard/self-confidence and build our ability to cope with stress, challenge, disappointment and change. We need hope, confidence and a deeply held belief in our future as we navigate our daily lives while at the same time war rages, children are starving and homeless and the world’s climate is in crisis. Here are 3 approaches to try:
1. Accept praise graciously. When you are praised or given a compliment, no matter from where or what about, notice your response whether verbalised or not. If it is along the lines of: ‘you mean that, oh that’s nothing’, ‘I didn’t do anything really, it’s my job after all’, ‘what, my coat, that old thing, I’ve had it for years’, ‘the promotion, nothing to be singing and dancing about, I guess I got lucky’, ‘that’s not talent, just hard graft’. These are excuses that you may use to dismiss praise, maybe because you feel uncomfortable with hearing good things about yourself and fear disappointing others as you think you could not possibly live up to their expectations of you. So you diminish your achievements and positive attributes, to help mitigate against that happening. Try to stay with the discomfort you feel when being praised or complimented, and respond immediately with a ‘thank you’ instead.
2. Search for the positive learning. Deliberately go looking for the positive aspects of situations and in other people. Your team lost at the football finals this year and you got to watch the game with your friends. You didn’t get the promotion which gives you the opportunity to find a more exciting role and you wouldn’t even have considered doing that otherwise. Your boss with whom you worked so well for 10 years has moved on giving you a chance to set your own agenda with the new manager. Most situations and people, can be seen in both a positive and negative light. You may be looking at the negative side by default, try to search for the positive one as well and keep reminding yourself of it in order to believe it.
3. Model an Optimist. Find an optimistic friend or colleague and when faced with a new or difficult (for you) situation or person, ask yourself what would my optimistic colleague do or say in this situation and try it for yourself. Modelling others helps us try on new identities and explore different ways of behaving to see how they might work for us. It will feel uncomfortable and a bad fit for a while like breaking in new shoes, but the more you try, the easier it will become and just like new shoes they may end up fitting like a glove in time.
Wishing you hope and optimism as you navigate life’s turbulent waters.
Slán go fóil (bye for now)
Anne Marie